The best part about being in a long-distance relationship.

If I were to write a piece about the best part about being in a long-distance relationship, it would be very short. The negatives are vastly more obvious day to day than the positives. I’m not just talking about waking up alone, day after day, in a different time zone to your partner, with that feeling in your heart that’s telling you something is missing. There’s only one thing I really like about the fact that you’re only able to see the one you love through a screen, and that’s because it’s not easy to be in a long-distance relationship. That feeling of missing out on all the things that’s important to them, and not being there to support, admire, laugh with and congratulate them daily, gets old fast.

Free wheeling

If I had to tell you the best part about being in a long-distance relationship, that is without a doubt, all the free time. Free time is already something that is valuable, not to say that free time must be productive, resting could be the most valuable way to use it, whoever came up with resting was really onto something there. I’ve had phases of my life where free time isn’t the gift it’s supposed to be, the phrase a blessing and a curse comes to mind when it comes to free time spent doomscrolling, or perusing the Facebook page of someone you went to middle school with at 3am on a weekday. But when you have free time, and something to do with it, oh brother, you’re onto something there. That’s a winning combination that probably led to some of the greatest discoveries in leisurely pursuits in our time.

When you have free time and you’re in a long-distance relationship, this isn’t like the free time you have when you’re single, this is free time without that nagging desire to go out into the dating world and make a fool of yourself in the usual way you do when you’re single. When you’re single, free time is basically time you could be spending with someone else. Its time spent alone, rather than in your own company. It’s time you could be out there socialising, connecting, being young and cool, being part of the crowd, but in a good way. There is a certain purity to the free time that comes with being in a long-distance relationship, that’s because you know you’re not alone. You know that out there, somewhere on earth there’s someone out there that likes you, thinks you’re attractive, and sometimes that’s enough. It’s like your long-distance relationship status is some kind of invisible armour that protects you from being truly alone.

Now what?

So, imagine you have all these evenings of free time, your partner is asleep because they’re 6 hours ahead, but you’ve still got a Wednesday evening to kill. You might start this new foray into free time by feeling particularly down about the fact that you’ll never truly be in sync with your partner until you’re on the same continent. This is likely going to be reconciled by treating yourself like a prince, by taking all your pleasures and vices and stuffing them into the evenings alone. It’s not like you’ve got dates to go on, so you might as well treat yourself, rather than someone else. Whether you drink, smoke, eat, or scroll the pain away, there are plenty of less healthy ways to spend your free time. It’s easy to fall into that trap, just make sure you don’t stay there.

Once you get over the initial emotional jet lag, and you crawl out of that pit of self-despair, now maybe you can do something else. Now you are moving into the neutral state of existing alone but not feeling particularly bad about it. This means enjoying a microwave meal for 1, plus 5 episodes of your new favourite Netflix show without even a shred of guilt. Or maybe meeting up with a friend and listening to them talk about their love life for a little reminder about what the domestic dating game is like. This is free time spent doing things you like but not overdoing it. Without the struggle of existing without your partner weighing on your heart and soul, but also without any goals. You don’t need a 4-step plan to your free time, but if you want one then that’s cool too.

So, when I said free time is the best part about being in a long-distance relationship, it’s this kind of free time that I was really talking about. The extra circular kind, where you learn a new skill, hobby, or just get good at something you used to suck at. Maybe your partner is bilingual, so why don’t you learn a language? Does their cousin like a particular song by Bruno mars, why don’t you learn it on guitar? Or maybe just get really good at making that dish that you both loved from the Thai restaurant you used to go to. You don’t just have to spend this free time doting on your partner, you can do something just for you! Remember that time that you tried to sing that song in karaoke, and it went really badly, why don’t you try again. Try learning that song, learn all the lyrics and learn the high notes, do something for you, and I don’t just mean karaoke.

Does this actually mean anything?

You’re probably thinking that I’ve spent a lot of time talking about how to spend your time away from your partner, when if you’re in a long-distance relationship you’re going to be doing everything you can to try and maximise your time together. This might be morning texts, watch parties and as much time spent on video call as possible. Time spent together, even if you’re not “really” together, is still quality time well spent. There’s still so much joy to be found with the company of that special person in your life. The little jokes you make on FaceTime, the funny faces you pull with filters, the games you can play, the updates and check ins. There is something truly special about the tender moments you create from across the world.

What’s the catch?

But as much as you work together to maintain that connection and make quality time with each other through your phone, physical limitations are there. You are separated for one reason or another and it’s likely that you will miss out on things together and end up doing more things alone. That’s what I mean about all the free time. When you’re together this free time isn’t really a thing. You are building something together; in whatever way you like. You are building your cohabitation in the form of routine, habits and compromise. You are not simply being with yourself but you’re working on a partnership together. This isn’t the same as when you’re actively in a long-distance relationship. Here you’re stuck in this kind of limbo where you’re not building anything together or looking for anything new since you’ve already found what you’re looking for, but you just have to wait to enjoy it.

So, what I’m saying is, whilst you wait you might as well appreciate the best part about being in this situation. Enjoy the confidence that comes with being with someone that loves you, even when they’re located across the globe, and combine that with enjoying your own company or learning something new. If you had your choice, you would be together in a heartbeat, but if that’s not possible, don’t let your free time fade away and not build anything out of it. After all life is short, even if the months you must wait to see your long-distance partner feels so incredibly long.